Thursday, September 19, 2013

Crazy Decisions - Part III B


Hello everyone!  How are you today???
 I hope all is good in your world – and if it’s not, I pray it will be again soon <3
 Today we continue with our discussion on those
Crazy Decisions 
in our lives – those issues we worry and stress over, continually wondering what we should do, what choice should we make, or if we should have done something differently than what we did– yowser! – those kinds of crazy things!  Do you have some of those?? I bet you do… 

    Last post we Dissected and defined, and made a Plan of Action  for those issues or decisions we can and should control in our lives, the issues on our YES! I Can Control list.   Today we pick up where we left off and look at those things we determine we cannot and should not control in our lives.

   Crazy Decisions – Part III (cont.)

    b)   Decide which things you cannot control and which you should not control.
After thoroughly defining your issue, if you figure out and decide there is nothing (realistically) that you can do to effect or change this problem, that’s ok – 
some things truly are out of our grasp and control.
Accept it.
Write it down on your No! I Cannot Control list.
We cannot do and be all things to all people in all places at all times, right??
Nope, we can’t.  (Actually – I think some people define that as a “God Complex” J)

And if it’s more of a question of “should” you, rather than “can” you say yes or no to a decision, consider this:

Some years ago, when I was thinking about stepping down from a ministry at my church, and I was truly agonizing over this decision, a dear lady gave me some very wise words. She said that as long as I stayed in that position, doing that job, then no one else would come forward to fill the gap.  That if I was feeling like I needed personally to step down, then maybe it was time for another to step up and share their talents with that ministry, and to receive the blessing back from doing so.  It might be just exactly what another person needs to become who they should be.  And if I continued in that spot, even when I had doubts, then I might be taking a deep blessing away from someone else.  She advised me to pray about the decision and follow what I felt was right.  And I did.  And I stepped back and let go.  I relinquished my position and my control.  And it was the right thing.  The ministry took off under the perfect leadership of another freshly enthusiastic soul, who never would have come forward as long as I was doing the job.  And my family benefitted greatly from the extra time I now had to spend with them. 

Some things are better when we let go and allow someone else a turn. If there is something such as this in your life and after thinking, praying and considering all sides, you feel you should step back and let go, then do so. 
With peace.
If you need to follow up with someone, to inform them of your decision, or ask them if they would consider taking your spot, then add that to your to do list – including a do by date – and do it.  Don’t leave it hanging indefinitely to continue fretting over.  Then no more worrying! It’s no longer your responsibilityIt’s doneYay!! 

And for those other cannot control decisions and issues you are fretting and stressing over, once you have decided your issue is truly, realistically outside of your control, accept it. 
Write it on your No! I Cannot Control list.
Accept that you have hashed through it and found nothing that you can or should do to make a difference.  If you need to refer this issue on to another for their handling, then write that on your to do list and do it.  Then let it go.  You have done your job.  You have exercised your control over this issue and it’s done.  Yay!!!
Now, move on to the next exciting issue needing your attention and exercise your (healthy) control over it. 
And remember:  don’t take back the worry from the previous one
Now don’t you feel a little less stressed about that?
No - wait! You say? Just like that – forget it and move on? Really???

·       How do you just accept and let go of something and not worry about it anymore, especially if it concerns something or someone very important or close to you? 
·       How do you find peace in letting go of something so important?

Thought you’d never ask…the most important part

Next post we will delve into the most important part of the issue: finding sweet, wonderful peace in our decisions.  It really is possible to have that kind of peace, in your mind, in your heart, in your life - knowing that you have made the right decision, and living without worrying over it any more.  Take it from a total control freak who used to be obsessive compulsive and worried over everything.  That is one diagnosis that I LET GO!
Until next time, peace, joy and love
And happy dissecting and defining!!

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? 

Monday, September 16, 2013

Crazy Decisions - Part III A

 Good Morning to you!!  How are you all today?  Good I hope! It’s a brisk, cool day here today with a little drizzle here and there.  I do believe fall is in the air J 
 If you’re like me, you’re ready for some refreshing cool weather after the scorching hot temps of this summer!
 How many of you have started working on your 
Crazy Decisions list 
from my last post?  (This was making 2 lists of things in your life that you can or cannot control.)  Has it been challenging?
 It is always challenging to me to have to admit I have no control over an issue.  I will usually go back and forth with it, dissecting every little detail of the issue looking for even a teensy weensy part that I can bend to my will.  But in the end, if it’s best I leave it be, then it goes on the NO!! I Cannot Control (and I don’t want to!) list.
 Let’s look at how we can realistically accomplish this…

III.   Accept and Let Go!
For me, it seems the worst part of decision making is the initial worry and tug-of-war in my mind and stressing over the issue.  Worrying and stressing over deciding what I am going to do about an issue and when to do it drives me crazy!  Doesn’t it you?  Well it does me - that is until I remember to exercise some hard learned problem solving skills – an easy, effective and pro-active way to organize my thoughts, make my decisions, and have peaceful control of my life.  Here’s how:
a)   Decide which things you can and should control and then take responsibility for them.
First, whenever I have an important decision to make or a situation weighing heavily on my mind, I break out the old trusty tablet (uh - the paper kind) and pencil.  I define the issue
1.    What exactly is the issue?
2.    Why do I care?
3.    What are the effects/consequences and to whom?
4.    What - if anything can or should I do about it?
I write it all out on the paper (you could use the electronic kind if you wish :)). I always feel more in control of things when I have dissected the issue and can see exactly what it is. Then I don’t have to rely on my sometimes finicky mind to remember all the details :/
If, after defining the issue, I see that there is something I can do about it, then – you got it
I list it!
I write it down on my YES! I Can Control list.  Now this is where your lists come in! Take that first issue on your YES! I Can Control list.  
Dissect and define this issue!
Write it all out on your tablet so you can see your progress and feel more in control over it.  After dissecting and defining the issue, then it’s time to define exactly what your plan of action should be. 
Plan of Action?
Your plan of action is a realistic list of active control things you can and are willing to do in order to solve this dilemma, make this decision, or help control the outcome of this issue - things such as:
check the weather forecast, make a phone call, schedule an appointment, do research and where – the internet, the library, etc., write a letter and to whom, make a food plan for nutrition or special diet, a menu and/or shopping list.  Call and talk to a friend, teacher, minister, etc.  
Write these things down and then begin working on that list. 
Be sure to include a “do or due by” date next to each item and commit to reaching those dates each day.  

I have a yearly planner that has week at a glance pages with space for daily entries.  I log everything in this!  Even specific time increments in a day to “worry” or problem solve.  
I read it every morning, usually as I drink my second cup of delicious, eye-opening coffee, and it organizes my day.  It relaxes me and leaves little for my love-to-stress-over-what-do-I-have-to-do-today brain to fret over.  Which in turn lowers my stress level and provides me more sweet peace!  Give it a try if you’re not already – it works wonders! (A planner doesn’t have to be expensive – mine is from Barnes and Noble, about $14.99.) 

Wow, I have enjoyed writing this all out today!  It is a nice reminder to me how important it is to keep up this plan of action in my life.  It simply does none of us any good to be so bogged down and stressed out with worry over things in our lives.  Luke 12:25 says: Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? In fact, the Bible has a whole lot of interesting things to say about NOT worrying about things in our lives.  Check it out?

Next post we will continue with what to do with things we cannot or should not try to control.  I hope you all have a fun afternoon, evening or night - and 
happy dissecting and defining!!

 Love and blessings,
Mindy <3

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Crazy Decisions! Update Part II

Good afternoon to you! J  How are you all doing today?  Really good I hope!  Here in Massachusetts we are enjoying a much cooler weather change, with some nice soft rain.  Great walking or biking weather.  How about where you are?
Today we continue our discussion of 
Crazy Decisions!  
So far previously we have discussed there being a bigger picture, a bigger plan in our lives than what we know.  That before we were born, God had a purpose and a plan for us already figured out.  And that when we come to and accept this realization, we find a much deeper calm and peace in our lives.  
This means there are some things going on around us that we have control over and some things we don’t.  For me, the worry over what I can control and how, is very Crazy!

Over the years I have had to do some learning, some discovery on how to de-stress and let go of what I had no power over.  And I had to learn how to tell the difference.  So, here is where we pick up today…

    II.        Accept the fact that some things are out of our control
Yes, alas, it is true - there are just some things in life that are out of our control.  Realizing there are some things we can control and some things we cannot control is sometimes a difficult discovery and admission to make, (especially for control freaks like me :))but we all are better off when we do. Things such as the weather and weather disasters and famine across the world, actions and reactions of various other people, and certain diseases and illness would most likely fall under the cannot control category.  For some of us, we also don’t have much control over political issues, the economy, and interest rates (except exercising our right to vote!). 

However, some things ARE under our control.  Things such as knowing what the weather is going to do and how we will prepare for it, how to ward off certain illnesses, what not to say or do in order to not irritate or hurt other people, what we eat, how much we exercise, what we teach our children, where we are going to live and what we drive, what we are going to spend our hard earned dollars on, are all things most of us can pretty much control.  We can choose who our friends will be, we can control our own behaviors and much of our children’s behaviors.  To some extent we do have a say in what our children are taught in school, what issues our Representatives raise in Congress, who our President is.  We can help counsel in family and loved ones’ decisions.  

There are so many issues in our day to day lives that need consideration, but that doesn’t mean we personally must solve or control each of them.  If we let them, they will 
weigh us down and stress us out ugghh!
  until we can’t rationally decide upon anything.  And if you are like me, you develop awful migraines and other health issues from the worry and stress of it all.  
Yikes and YUK!!  
But not to worry! ;~p 
We can make good and healthy decisions, even on a daily basis, for ourselves involving what is realistically within our control and what is not.   
Once we decide which is and which is not, and set up an action plan for those decisions, then a little calm and less apprehension begins to flow through us.  And once we accept that we cannot realistically effect or change or control the outcome of a situation, then we must accept that and 
let it go.  
Worrying and stressing over it will not make it any better for any of us.

So, how exactly do we decide and act on those decisions?  And how do we just accept our non-control and let it go?  Good questions!!  Next post, let’s break it down… 

In the meantime, let's give some thought to those big, important issues or decisions that are swirling around in our minds, weighing us down and stressing us out.  Can you begin a list - or should I say 2 lists; 
1 for YES! I Can Control!
1 for NO!! I Cannot Control (and I don’t want to!)

What issues do you realistically have some control over? 
What issues should you have some control over?  
Write them on the first list.

What issues do you realistically NOT have any control over, 
or should you NOT have control over?  
Write them on the second list.

Next post: Decisions – breaking them down :/

Blessings and Peace,