Friday, July 12, 2013

Tommy's Momma

Hello!?! Is anyone there?

I know, it’s been so long since I’ve been here – sorry those sideshow distractions got me again!

So yesterday was my son’s birthday – well, it would have been if he was still here and not in Heaven.  (If you haven’t read it, for a little info on the loss of my son – and some helpful tips on grief, please see my blog: Good Grief

Anyway – so first thing in the morning I posted a blurb and a few photos on Facebook, just to acknowledge the importance of the day to me and affirm my somewhat rekindled feelings of grief.  Even though it has been many years, this day, and the anniversary of the accident still give me pause each year.  I find myself browsing through old photographs, old handmade mementos, sweet memories of my son’s little-boy laughter, the feeling of holding him in my arms, the unique and wonderful way he said “momma” in his little boy southern drawl.

This precious and sweet little boy was only 9 years old when he left us for Heaven.  But I realize today that in those short 9 years of his life, this child has left a lifetime of wonderful, sweet, fun, heartwarming, endearing memories, and footprints upon my heart to cheer my heart and spirit, every moment of every day. Yes, I have so much of him still!  He is still in my heart, in my mind, in my soul <3 

I also realize today that it is not really grief that I feel any more.  Yes, there is yet a feeling of sadness.  And yes, my eyes still brim and spill the beautiful cleansing tears when I look at his pictures, touch his jean jacket, wander the memories in my heart. 

But what I realize today that I have not seen before is, that along with that sadness, along with those tears, there is joy

Sweet, marvelous, enveloping joy.

The joy that was Tommy, the joy that was my child, my son.  The joy of the time I spent with him.  The joy of holding him.  The joy of watching him grow.  The joy of being his “momma.” 
The joy of knowing that wherever he is, on earth or in Heaven, he is my son. 
He will always be my son. 
And he will always be with me
No matter where he is.
No one can ever take that from me.

I bask in and cherish the knowledge that while he was on this earth, I got to be his momma.  No, the time was way too short, but I will always be grateful and thankful for the time I got to be Tommy’s momma.

So, from this moment on, I will embrace the joy that was my son,
I will allow the smile to take over my face as I think of him,
I will laugh as I pick up and caress his jacket upon my cheek,
And I will know the tears which fill my eyes – even now as I write this – are not because I desperately grieve for the loss of a child – but rather they are the tears of joy and happiness of a beautiful time spent with a most beautiful and exquisite little boy – Tommy.
Because I am Tommy’s Momma!


  1. I LOVE THIS Mindy what a Beautiful way to honor and remember Tommy. I have been so Blessed by you, your blog, and your words of encourgement. I know that GOD allowed you to work in my life and to use you to comfort me. You are still one of the first people I want to talk to on my very low days. I pray that one day I can feel the Joy that you are feeling.......Thanks for ALWAYS caring. I LOVE YOU.

    1. Dear Tammie,
      Thank you so much for your sweet note! I too have been blessed - in many ways - by you. I will always remember our Kwaj days. I will never forget the day I met you, in Surfway. Just after you got the news about Josh. Tammie - I loved you from that very first moment and am so thankful our paths crossed. I too pray that one day, when your heart is ready, you will be filled with this beautiful joy that I have found in just being my son's mother - even while he is in Heaven. I know you will - remember the verse: "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning." (Psalm 30:5) Sometimes our dark night lasts for many years, but God is faithful, and your morning of joy will come. I love you Tammie and I will always be praying for you.